


If You Close Your Eyes

by Asylum_Regular



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Angst, Depression, Drama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, It's all Fluff and Games Until the Angst Comes In, M/M, mentions of cutting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-02 11:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5247428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asylum_Regular/pseuds/Asylum_Regular
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What, kid? I need to take a shit.” Levi’s mouth was curled into a small half smile that meant he wasn’t nearly as annoyed by the interruption as he seemed. But Levi blinked as he fully turned to face Eren, mouth falling from that attractive half smile as Levi instead bit his bottom lip, looking Eren from top to bottom.</p><p>PERMANENT HIATUS</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Committitur Somnium

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything.
> 
> Short first chapter is short. Chapter 2 is about 300 words longer. Chapter 3 will never exist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gazed at the floor and made his way resolutely up the bus stairs and go the first seat directly behind the bus driver. The unnatural hush that blanketed the bus as he stepped on was immediately broken by quiet whispers as he sat down. 
> 
> It was gonna be a great year.

"You're Depressed"

That's what his doctor had said to him in 6th grade after his mom had taken him in because of his behavior. For months he'd refused to leave his room, turned down all his friends offers to hang out, and cried himself to sleep. The doctor had handed his mother a list of psychiatrists before taking his leave with a pitying look sent their way as he closed the door.

For a while he went to the psychiatrist's where he was handed a prescription for antidepressants and a list of psychologists. He went to the psychologists but never filled the prescription. Instead it sat on the table, buried under piling bills and collection letters. Eventually he had to stop seeing both his psychiatrist and psychologist because his mother with her 3 part time jobs had neither the money or the time to take him. It wasn't like they had ever helped him any.

Eventually his depression seemed to fade into the background, leaving him to adjust to a world that he slowly began to find held meaning.

\---000---

 A year. A year and then depression was back, knocking on his door and entering when silence greeted it. It took a different form this time. It wasn't silent screaming and seeking death, it was lack of effort and waiting for death. He did well to hide it from those who cared, never a single crack his façade. Time dragged on and years started going by as he dragged his feet through class and laughed so everyone would think he was fine, so he could convince himself he was fine as he waited for it to pass.

But the thing was, it didn't seem willing to leave this time. Four years and it only seemed to be getting worse. The beginning of sophomore year his friends had caught onto his strange behavior and when he tried to explain his depression to them they just cut him off.

"You don't cut."

"You're not on antidepressants."

"You don't act like you're depressed."

"It's just for attention. I can't believe you would fake a serious mental illness!"

He hadn't fought them. He'd watched as they stormed off, never corrected them. He'd wanted to scream that just because he'd never cut didn't mean he hadn't wanted to. That he wasn't on antidepressants because his mom was struggling to put food on the table, even as he helped where he could with the money from his part time job. But something kept his mouth sealed shut as rumors circulated, cutting him off from any and all chances of making new friends. Even as people sneered at him in the hallways and whispered about him, he did nothing. He grew more and more distant from the world as they ignored him that whole year and the following summer.

Now, facing the beginning of his junior year, he admitted to himself that he was terrified and lonely. He was the only one at his bus stop and he was glad for it as the crouched on the ground, rubbing furiously at his eyes as tears slipped out. The bus would be here any minute and he had decided that now was a great time to cry. He was pathetic.

"Kid."

His head whipped up towards the voice, staring wide eyed at the (even from his couched position) short guy standing at his side.

"Are you just going to gawk at me with that stupid look on your face until the bus comes?" The short but intimidating male asked.

Eren shook his head "no" rapidly, raising himself to his feet and noting to himself that he was a good few inches taller than the other.

After a few minutes of awkward silence the guy scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Levi"

"The... Jeans?" He said cautiously.

This got a rise out of the other as he huffed in an amused fashion "No, it's my name. If you're going to blatantly stare at me you might as well know my name."

Eren hadn't realized he'd been staring again and flushed slightly, tangling and untangling his fingers nervously. "My name is Eren." He murmured, pointing his gaze to his feet as he anticipated the reaction that would follow his name.

"God, kid, speak up. I can just barely make out what you're saying." Levi huffed. "You said your name was Eren, right?"

"Y-yeah." He stuttered, thoroughly confused by Levi's lack or reaction to his name. The only explanation was that Levi was a new student and hadn't heard any of the rumors about him yet. Maybe this was the universe screaming at him to take a chance and make a friend.

"What grade are you in, Eren? Maybe we'll see each other around."

Eren had to prevent himself from visibly shuddering at the way his name rolled off Levi's tongue (Levi was kind of hot and his voice had this gravely tone to it and Eren was by no means straight) and managed to pull himself together enough to answer the question. "Junior." He sighed, remembering all three of his AP classes and the ACT he would have to take this year, not to mention he had to start looking into colleges. Not that he was even sure he'd go to college with tuition being so high.

"Huh, well, I'm a Senior so maybe I'll see you in the halls or something. Bye, kid."

And with that Levi brushed past him and his spot on the curb to get to the parking lot across the street. Just as his car, a battered looking black Jeep, turned the corner and went out of sight the bus came rumbling up to him, it's doors opening with a threatening hiss. He gazed at the floor and made his way resolutely up the bus stairs and go the first seat directly behind the bus driver. The unnatural hush that blanketed the bus as he stepped on was immediately broken by quiet whispers as he sat down.

It was gonna be a great year.


	2. Somniare Continue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As soon as Levi saw his old, beat up iPad opened to Netflix, his face slipped into a grin and Eren could almost see what he was thinking.
> 
> “Netflix and chill?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyyy. Guess who lives. It me. Kinda. 
> 
> This is me saying fuck finals so yeah.

He watched as Levi peeled out of the parking lot again, their conversation this morning had consisted of idle talk about Levi’s cat until the senior had looked down at his watch and swore violently before he apologized to Eren quickly for leaving so abruptly and rushed off to his car. 

For the past month out of the two that Eren had known Levi he’d debated asking the senior for rides to school in the morning. Levi seemed to, at the very least, tolerate his presence, and he’d do almost anything to escape the whispers that broke out every time he sat down on the bus. But every time he was about to ask, Levi realized he had to leave or Eren decided against it. Maybe it was just better if he gave up on the idea entirely.

\---000---

He never saw Levi at school, it wasn’t all that strange really. There were 5,000 kids at his school and Levi was in a different grade. But he wished he had at least one class with Levi. It would make his study hall, filled with the very people he once used to call friends, tolerable at least.

“It’s been more than two years. Are you ready to stop being dramatic and admit that you don’t and have never had depression?” 

There was a pale hand on his desk, attached to a thin arm arm scattered with freckles that was, in turn, attached to Armin Arlert.

Eren remained quiet, shoulders curling inwards as he ducked his head and pulled his math book closer to himself.

“Eren!”

He flinched at the slight snarl in Mikasa’s voice as she joined Armin at his desk. There was a soft inhale from one of them, obviously they hadn’t anticipated that response. Armin’s hand cautiously, slowly raised off of his desk and he could nearly imagine the calculating look on the blond’s face. 

“Eren”

Softer, more concerned than biting.

“We… we didn’t mean to…”

He raised his head, dull turquoise clashing with clear blue for a short second as his gaze was drawn to the window next to the door in time to catch a flash of black hair and a short figure disappearing down the hallway. Eren quickly gathered his things, shoving his now forgotten math homework and book into his bag. He muttered a quiet ‘bathroom’ as he passed the teacher, receiving a slight nod and a concerned gaze before he rushed out into the hallway, chasing after Levi as the senior turned a corner at the end of the hallway. He managed to catch up to him just before Levi entered the bathroom, softly calling his name.

“What, kid? I need to take a shit.” Levi’s mouth was curled into a small half smile that meant he wasn’t nearly as annoyed by the interruption as he seemed. But Levi blinked as he fully turned to face Eren, mouth falling from that attractive half smile as Levi instead bit his bottom lip, looking Eren from top to bottom.

Eren flushed slightly, he no doubt looked like a wreck from his short jog down the hall. His hair was hard to tame on a good day and anything more than a walk would jostle it from the semi-presentable state he managed in the mornings, not to mention his probably ruffled clothes and skewed glasses.

“Stop staring at your shoes, brat. What did you want?”

He looked up, not having realized his gaze had fallen to the floor and found that Levi’s previous expression had been wiped in favor of a carefully neutral one, probably to spare Eren’s feelings.

“I-I just…” He spluttered, trying to come up with a plausible reason as to why he leave his class and chase Levi down the hallway.

“Spit it out, you can do it.”

“I haven’t seen you in the hallways till now and I wanted to say hi?” He said, shrugging slightly in the face of his own weak excuse.

“Cute brat.” 

“What?” Eren asked, snapping his slowly downward-traveling gaze to meet with Levi’s.

“Cute. Brat.”

That half smile was back and Eren could feel his heart stutter in his chest as he processed Levi’s words. “I’m not cute!” he proclaimed, lips pressing into a thin line indignantly.

“Yes, yes you are.” With that said and a small chuckle, Levi turned and went into the bathroom.

\---000---

Eren sat on his bed, legs swinging idly as he waited for Levi to be finished with whatever he was doing. He paused his swinging when he heard Levi settle in front of him.

“You can open your eyes, brat”

His gaze first settled on Levi’s eyes, a gunmetal grey that Eren loved, before he finally realized just how close Levi was, face just inches away. His breath hitched as Levi’s hand slowly came up to caress his jaw, the little distance that was between them closing in less than a second as Levi’s eyes seemed to go hazy at that small action. And then Levi’s lips were on his, his hand moving from Eren’s jaw and up into his hair to rest there, gently guiding him, urging the kiss deeper even as Levi’s lips slowly coaxed his into a slow dance. 

When Levi eventually pulled away, Eren was left breathless and flushed, looking up at Levi as that same peculiar expression from a month ago, outside the bathroom, crossed his face. He didn’t quite have time to analyze it though, as Levi moved in again, this kiss tinted with a small twinge of desperation as Levi leaned forward, gently pushing Eren onto his back until Levi was hovering over him, hands seemingly everywhere with feather light touches up Eren’s sides, coaxing his shirt up and off. 

Eren had never been so glad that his mother wasn’t home often until an embarrassingly loud sound was pried from his lips as Levi’s hand ghosted over the base of his neck in it’s path to tangle in his hair. Levi froze before curiously before applying gentle pressure to the spot, eliciting another squeak from Eren.

Eren felt a small shudder crawl up his spine as the curiosity in Levi’s gaze turned mischievous and full of unfiltered want. 

\---000---

Winter break had started and a week before Christmas his mom had told him that she had to work on Christmas day. Eren had forced his lips into a small smile and told her it was fine before giving her a hug and seeing her off to work. 

About an hour after she had left, there was a knock on the door. Eren rose to answer it with a smile on his face that quickly dropped as he opened the door to find Mikasa and Armin instead of the Levi he’d been expecting. 

He saw Mikasa’s eyes fill with regret and Armin seemed to shuffle uncertainly as his smile dropped. Eren’s grip on the door tightened, arm flexing slightly as the door moved an inch closer towards close.

“Y-yes?” he asked

“Eren, we just wanted to-” Armin started, cut off when Mikasa grabbed his arm, shaking her head.

“Sorry for bothering you.” she said softly, turning back towards her car parked on the curb and dragging Armin with her as she left. Eren watched, confused as they climbed in and Mikasa drove off, Armin looking as if he was crying. He watched a couple seconds after they had gone until a cold breeze buffeted him, causing a shiver to wrack his body before he closed the door. He was halfway to his spot on the couch with blankets and hot chocolate and Netflix when the doorbell rang again. He gave a short sigh as he made an about-face and strode towards the door, opening it with a slight huff.

“If you’re in a pissy mood then I can go home” Levi said, voice gruff. “But I’d really rather come in. It’s cold as hell out here.”

Despite the weirdness of Mikasa and Armin’s visit, he felt his lips curl into a smile once again as he opened the door wider to allow Levi in.

As soon as Levi saw his old, beat up iPad opened to Netflix, his face slipped into a grin and Eren could almost see what he was thinking.  
“Netflix and chill?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did sex ever happen? WE'LL NEVER KNOW

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna have fun with this one. Enjoy the happy times while the happy times last


End file.
